My Lousy First Date
by Tortured Artist
Summary: Tomoko managed to get Komiyama to arrange a date for her in exchange for a date with Tomoki. However, when Tomoko found out who her date was going to be, let's just say that the evening doesn't quite go the way she imagined it.


My Lousy First Date

Who knew my seemingly normal morning would lead into one of the most embarrassing evenings of my life? It sucks because my day started out so well. I woke up with Tomoki banging on my bedroom door, and I got up well rested. I was able to fall asleep on time like Mom suggested, although I think it had more to do with that boring manga I was reading last night. Feeling more alert than usual, I rushed downstairs, ate my breakfast like Pac-Man on steroids, and then I got into the shower to prepare for school. I really must have been in a cheerful mood because as Tomoki and I walked to school, he said to me, "You look happy today."

"Yes, I feel like I could do anything today," I said. "Don't I look like I could accomplish anything?"

"No, you still look strange and creepy as usual," said Tomoki, "you just look happy at the same time."

"Asshole!" And just like that, my mood was back down to normal. Oh well, I didn't need him. Now that I'm finally getting better at socializing, I don't need to pester him anymore. That's right, I had been sitting with the other girls in my class at lunch more often. I even managed to say three whole sentences to them. Now that I'm on the road to finally making some friends, this must mean I'm getting closer to becoming popular. All I need now is a boyfriend, and I'm all set. I had a big grin on my face as I thought about the prospects of dating. Even as I entered the school and changed from my walking shoes into my school shoes, I was still happy and smiling.

As I walked out of the shoe room, that was when I saw Komiyama-san loitering outside of the boy's shoe room. She was hiding behind a trashcan, crouched down like a pervert spying on the woman's bathroom. She looked so sweaty and nervous that her glasses kept sliding off her nose. As soon as Tomoki got out of the shoe room, Komiyama-san leaped out from behind the trashcan and stopped in front of Tomoki.

"He...hello...To-Tomoki-kun..." she said, nervously.

"Uh...hi," said Tomoki as he coolly walked passed her.

Komiyama-san reached out as if desperate to cop a feel. She stood there like a scarecrow as Tomoki went down the hall and to his next class.

I approached Komiyama-san from behind and tapped on her shoulder. "Smooth moves there. Keep it up and you'll die a virgin."

"Shut up!" shouted Komiyama-san. "I'm trying my best."

"Well, you're best ain't good enough."

Komiyama-san grabbed the collar of my sailor uniform and pulled me in close so we were nose to nose. She looked at me with tear-stained eyes and said, "Please help me get a date with Tomoki-kun."

"Back off," I said, pulling myself away from her. "And what can I do to get you a date with Tomoki?"

"You can go up to him and ask him if he would to go on a date with me."

"And what incentive do I have do that?"

"I..." Komiyama-san stood there, fiddling with her fingers, nervously.

"Well, if that's all you have, then I might as well—"

"I can get you a date."

I froze. "A date? With whom?"

"My cousin broke up recently, and is eager to find somebody new."

Hm! So this guy is dateless. Possibly even devastated and broken hearted. That means I can swoop in and give him all the loving he needs...both in public and in the bedroom.

"Well, what do you say?"

I resentfully folded my arms. "I don't need your charity." Okay, I actually did, but like hell was I going to let her know that.

"Get me a date with Tomoki-kun, and I can convince my cousin to go on a double date with us," said Komiyama-san.

"And where would we be going?"

"Uh, I don't know."

"How about we go to the WcDonald's near the school?"

"I'm not going to take him to a fast food restaurant."

"Well, it's the restaurant he typically hangs out at with his friends. Plus, there are other shops and arcades in the building and it's close to the park and the beaches, so there are other things we can do. Best of all, it's cheap. If nothing else, that will convince him to come along."

Komiyama-san fidgeted. "Are you sure?"

"Positive!"

"All right, I'll do it."

"By the way, what's your cousin's name anyway?"

"No-kun!"

No-kun? That's an interesting nickname. With a cutesy sounding name like that, I bet he's really friendly and outgoing. "All right, I'll get Tomoki to come tomorrow."

"Thank you, thank you," said Komiyama-san, embracing me in a really tight hug.

"Okay, okay, get off me," I said, prying myself out of her grasp. "Now, tell me a little bit more about my date."

#

Convincing Tomoki to come along on the date was easy. I can be surprisingly persuasive when I need to be with him. All I had to do was just turn on my big sister charms...and grab him by the neck and give him the hardest noogie I could give him.

"Come on, go on the date we us," I said, grinding my fist into his scalp.

"All right, all right!" said Tomoki, squirming in my arm. "I'll go."

Works every time.

#

For the rest of the day, I was so excited for the date that I could barely concentrate on school. I just sat there at my desk while Ogino-sensei droned on and on.

Who cares about Japanese literature when I'm about to lose my V-card tonight? I wonder what my date is going to be like. Komiyama-san described him as an avid sports fan. Hm! I can't say I like sports, but I did go to that baseball game once, and I do read The Prince of Tennis from time to time. I think I can build off of that. Komiyama-san also told me that he's into yoga. Yoga? What's yoga?

I slyly checked my phone while Ogino-sensei wasn't looking.

Yikes, if I contort my spine like that, I would break in half. Okay, I don't think I have anything to offer in that regard. Well, Komiyama-san also told me that he was in to kaiju movies. I can't say that I've seen that many, but I did binge watch those Gojira movies once. I could probably find something to relate to. Oh, but Komiyama-san also told me that he was strong and athletic. I bet he must have a big muscular chest, tight ass, and cleanly shaven genitalia.

I began to drool as I imagined myself in a long white dress, held into the arms of a body builder. I imagined him to be bare-chested and wearing a loincloth. His long blond hair was blowing in the wind in front of a beach.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Tomoko-chan, you are my dream, my whole world..."

"Oh, No-kun," I imagined myself saying to him while cheesy music played in the background.

"Let us sail off into the sunset," said No-kun. "When we reach the far off lands, we will marry."

"But I can't wait that long," I said in an over-the-top dreamy voice. "Please, make love to me right here on the beach. Let me embrace your manly arms."

"Oh, Tomoko-chan," he said as he lifted up my skirt. "I thought you would never ask."

"Oh No-kun, take me now, take me now..."

"Kuroki-san? KUROKI-SAN!"

Just when my fantasy was getting good, I was interrupted by Ogino-sensei. She was hovering over me, looking down with an angry expression. I quickly wiped the drool from my lip and said, "Sorry, Sensei, my mind was wondering."

"Then I suggest you keep your mind out of the clouds and in the classroom."

"Yes, Sensei." I sat up straight in my chair. As I watched Ogino-sensei walk back to the chalkboard, I tried to keep my mind off of the date. Like hell was I going to let her ruin my day.

#

By the time school was finally over, I quickly got on my shoes and ran back home. Of course, I had to tell Mom that Tomoki and I were going on a date. She seemed weirdly happy about this news. "You're finally putting yourself out there, and here I thought you never will."

Sure, rub it in, why don't you?

After getting dressed into my finest clothes—a pair of faded blue jeans with a lavender and yellow striped sweater—I walked with Tomoki to the WcDonalds. We didn't talk to each other the whole time. Hell, Tomoki was even dressed in casual clothes, but I was fine with that. For all I cared, Komiyama-san could have her way with Tomoki right in the restaurant. Just so long as I get a boyfriend out of this date, then I'm satisfied. Who knows? Maybe I get to lose my virginity tonight as well. I could feel my face growing hot as I imagined the passionate sex I might have with No-kun. Tomoki and I walked to the multistory building where the WcDonalds was located, and we waited. Although the sun was setting in the distance, the streets were already active with people.

Is everybody going out on dates today? I can't worry about them. My date will be here any minute. Maybe I need a good pick up line. No, that's stupid. I know! I should get into his arms. I could walk up to him and pretend to trip, and he would catch me.

I looked down at the pavement, and noticed that a corner of it was sticking up.

Yes, I'll walk up to him and pretend to trip. Once I'm in his arms, maybe I could kiss him or he'll sweep me off my feet like in a romance.

"Hey, someone's coming," said Tomoki.

I looked down the road, and there was Komiyama-san and someone was walking along side her. He was dressed in shorts and wore a red sweater opened in the front to reveal a white shirt with a picture of Gojira printed on the front. He had a cap on with the symbol of a baseball team on the front. I don't know which baseball team it was. He didn't look as tall or as muscular as I had hoped, a major disappointment, but I guess beggars can't be choosers. I'm still going to try to woo him over.

Once my date was close, I walked up to him and said, "Hello, you must be—" My toe missed the raised pavement, but I pretended to trip anyway. I fell over, and No-kun caught me in his arms. "Oh, thank you." I placed the back of my hand to my forehead.

"You should be more careful," said No-kun.

It was while I pressed against his chest did I notice something was wrong. His chest seemed softer than normal. I experimentally reached over and touched his breast, which seemed round and soft. Come to think of it, didn't his voice sound awfully feminine? I looked up at his face, and saw not the face of a handsome man, but the face of a young teenage girl. I got back up onto my feet, looking at her sheepishly.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were my date."

"Is you're name Kuroki Tomoko-san?"

"Yes!"

"Then I'm your date."

I looked at her with my mouth agape. "Wait! You're No-kun?"

The girl adjusted her cap. "Yes! My name is Saito Nozomi. I'm Kotomi-chan's cousin."

I glared angrily at Komiyama-san as she nervously inched her way to Tomoki.

"He-he-llo...To-To..."

I grabbed Komiyama-san by her arm and dragged her off. As she protested, I quickly said to Saito-san and Tomoki. "Wait here, we need to use the bathroom."

I dragged Komiyama-san by her arm, through the door into the building and into the nearby lady's room. Once we were inside, I shoved her against the wall, held her by her shoulders and shouted, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?"

Komiyama-san pulled herself free from my grasp. "What's wrong with you? I got you a date, didn't I?"

"But you didn't tell me your cousin was a girl. You kept calling her 'No-kun,' so I thought she was a boy. Why did you set me up on a date with a girl?"

"Oh, right! I call her No-kun as a playful acknowledgement that she's a tomboy. As for why I set up your date with her, Nozomi-kun recently had a bad break up with her girlfriend, so I thought she might like you."

"What made you think I would want to date a girl?"

"I thought you were gay."

"What gave you that idea?"

"Well, I often see you ogling and trying to grope Yuu-chan every time we're around her, so I assumed you just swung that way."

I hesitated, feeling embarrassed. "Look, I'm not gay, all right."

"Well fine, you can just go tell Nozomi-kun that you don't want to go on the date."

For a second, I wanted to do just that, but then it hit me. This was her plan all along, that weaselly little bitch. She knew I wouldn't want to date a girl, so she hooked me up with one just so I would bail out and be alone with Tomoki. I'm not going to let her get away with that.

"No," I said, firmly. "I will go on a date with her."

"If that's what you want," said Komiyama-san, eyeing me.

Oh, I'll go on this date, all right, but I'll make sure I ruin her date in the process. That will teach her not to embarrass me.

#

The WcDonalds was on the third floor of the building, and the four of us climbed up the stairs the whole way. The restaurant was busy, crowded with other people. It made me feel embarrassed to walk into the restaurant with Saito-san at my side, but I was determined not to back down. We got in line. I looked up at the overhead menu, tapping my foot with uncertainty.

Damn, what am I going to order? I don't know anything about the food in this place. Why did I suggest we eat here?

Before I knew it, we were already at the cashier.

"Hello, may I take your order," said the cashier with sickly sweet smile.

"I want a Teriyaki WcBurger," said Saito-san.

"So do I," said Komiyama-san.

Who puts teriyaki on a burger?

"I'll have the Shrimp Filet-o," said Tomoki.

Eating fancy, hm?

"And what would you like?" said the cashier. It took me a second to realize she was talking to me.

"Me? I-I..." I wasn't sure what to get, so I just asked for the first item I saw on the menu. "I'll have a Mega WcBurger."

"And do you all want a meal with those burgers?" asked the cashier.

"We sure do," said Saito-san.

Two minutes later, one of the uniformed employees handed us a tray with our burgers. It wasn't until I was given my burger did I realize...it was gigantic. Wrapped in paper, it looked more like a giftwrapped brick. After we sat down at a table, I opened it up and found a massive burger with six layers of patties and buns in-between. Even the fries were gigantic, looking like long, oily rods of potatoes.

How am I supposed to eat this? Is this a burger for people with a death wish?

"I was surprised to see you order this burger," said Saito-san as she opened up her teriyaki burger.

"I-I guess I'm just really hungry," I said, looking at the food with disgust. Wanting something else to look at, I saw Komiyama-san flirting while holding a fry to her mouth. Tomoki just sat there with the burger in his hands, quietly eating without much interest.

So, if she thinks she can flirt with Tomoki while eating, then let's see if she can hold up to being grossed out.

I picked up my burger and shoved it into my mouth, biting down hard. It was so big, I could only bite into about half of it at one time. As I chewed, I kept my mouth open the whole time, making as much noise as I ate.

"You're such a pig," said Tomoki, looking disgusted.

Komiyama-san gave me an annoyed look, silently chewing her burger.

Take that, you boyfriendless virgin, I thought to myself as I continued to shove more food into my mouth.

"Hey, Kuroki-san," said Saito-san, "you better be careful not to eat that burger too fast."

I ignored her, shoving more and more burger down my throat, gleefully eating the burger as fast as I could, barely chewing each bite before swallowing.

"I'm serious, you might hurt yourself," said Saito-san, putting her burger down.

Before Saito-san could say anymore, I shoved the last of the burger down my throat. I smiled at Komiyama-san with mayo and crumbs still covering my mouth. However, that's when the pain started to hit me. I guess eating so much meat so fast was not something my stomach was accustomed to. I could feel my stomach clench with pain, and I tasted stomach acid on my tongue.

"Are you okay?" asked Tomoki. "Your face is looking pale."

"Toilet..." I managed to cry out before leaping from my seat and running toward the lady's room.

#

I spent the next five minutes on all fours puking my guts out into the toilet. Just when I thought I was done, I would feel my stomach clench, expelling a little more bile into the toilet bowl. Saito-san was at my side, kneeling over me so she could rub my back.

"I told you not to eat so much all at once like that."

I ignored her. As the puking fits slowed to a stop, all I could think of was Komiyama-san smooching Tomoki in the restaurant without shame, and how angry I was at the thought. I leaped onto my feet, the toilet stall spinning as blood rushed out of my head. When I get my hands on her, I'm going to kick her ass.

Saito-san held onto my shoulder, keeping me balanced as I got up. She pulled out a packet from her pocket, unwrapped it, and held it out to me.

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a stomach pill. It will settle your stomach."

"Uh, thanks...!" I took the pill and swallowed it without water. "Where's Komiyama-san?"

"Oh, I just got a text from her," said Saito-san, pulling out her cell phone. "She said that she and your brother just left."

"They left without us?" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, they went to the beach."

That bitch ditched me, and which beach did they go to? Damn it! I guess I need Saito-san to help me find them. "Can you lead me to them. I want to meet them up at the beach."

"Sure thing," said Saito-san. "Are you sure that you're ready to move because I can take you home."

"No, no, I'm fine."

"Okay then, let's go."

After we left the toilet, Saito-san veered off to pick up her burger from the table, and putted it into the paper bag.

We didn't say much as we walked out of the WcDonalds and out onto the streets. Saito-san walked beside me with the burger in hand, quietly eating.

"Ugh, do you have to eat that while we're walking?" I asked, my stomach painfully clenching.

"Well, I don't want to let it go to waste," said Saito-san, her mouth full of burger.

"I just puked my guts out a few minutes ago, and I don't want to even look at any food right now."

Saito-san shoved the last of the burger into her mouth, using her napkin to wipe away the last of the sauce from her lips. As we got near a trashcan, she threw her garbage inside it. She made a surprisingly good throw, too, getting it into the can at what looked like four meters away. Damn! I wish I could make a throw like that. However, my admiration of Saito-san was short-lived when I noticed she was still chewing her burger...with her mouth open, no less.

"Do you always do that?" I asked.

"Do what?" she said, spraying a few chunks of meat from her mouth.

"I mean do you always stuff your face like that?"

Saito-san swallowed. "Like you're one to talk. No, I normally don't eat like this. I'm just really hungry today."

As we walked down the sidewalk, Saito-san spotted a tiny smoothie restaurant selling drinks on the street.

"Wait right here," said Saito-san, running to the restaurant.

"Hey, I want to get to the beach as soon as possible," I said, but Saito-san didn't seem to notice me. I stood there, tapping my foot with impatience. After a few minutes, Saito-san walked up to me, holding two small smoothies.

"Are you really such a glutton that you had to buy two drinks?" I asked.

"No, one is for you."

I hesitated, surprised. "I told you I don't want any food."

"I assumed you must still be hungry after throwing up like that. I thought maybe you could use something easy on your stomach."

I wanted to say no, but I felt my stomach rumble. "All right, I'll take some." I took the cup from Saito-san, put the straw to my lips, and took a small sip. As the cool liquid passed my throat, I began to feel relaxed. It was refreshing. I liked the taste of blended fruit and syrup, and my stomach was already feeling better. I continued to slurp the drink with gusto. Saito-san was right, I did need something in my belly.

"Do you like it?"

I nodded happily.

We stood there, quietly sipping our drinks. We were half way through our drinks when Saito-san asked, "Tomoko-chan, be honest with me."

I was surprised to hear her address me by my first name. Why was she being so informal around me?

"Kotomi-chan never told you I'm a girl, did she?"

Again, I was surprised. Does this girl read minds or something? "Yes! Komiyama-san stood me up so she could get a date with Tomoki."

"Yeah, I know about her crush with Tomoki-kun, but she shouldn't have done that."

"I just wish I could get back at her."

"Well, tell me, how familiar are you with Tomoki's clothes?"

"What? Do you think I'm some kind of pervert digging through Tomoki's closet?"

"You might not but Kotomi-chan would."

"What're you talking about?"

There was a devilish grin on Saito-san's face.

#

We both spent a quick detour before catching the bus to the beaches where Komiyama-san and Tomoki were. The stars were out and the beaches were mostly empty of tourists, so it wasn't hard to notice Komiyama-san near the shore holding Tomoki's hand. When I saw that, I immediately wanted to strangle Komiyama-san right there. However, as we got close, I realized that Tomoki didn't seem at all interested in Komiyama-san. He just stood there with that same blank expression on his face. I think I even saw him impatiently check his watch. Who wears a watch anymore these days?

"Hey, cousin!" said Saito-san.

Komiyama-san, who looked like she was in shear bliss, snapped out of her trance, and nervously turned to Saito-san as if she was caught playing hooky.

"Oh...uh...hey, No-kun. I'm sorry we left you back at the restaurant."

"That's okay," said Saito-san, forcing a smile. "In fact, we had to make a quick stop back at your home."

"Really?"

"Oh yes," I said, "in fact, Saito-san showed me your..." I ominously lowered my voice, "personal collection."

Komiyama-san eyed me like I was crazy. "Are you drunk or something?"

Ignoring her, I turned to Tomoki, "Hey, I got something for you."

"For me?" he asked. I reached into my pocket, pulled out a blue cloth, and tossed it to Tomoki. He caught it and looked at it.

"Look familiar?" I asked.

"Hey, isn't this that pair of underwear I threw out last week?"

Komiyama-san's face began to grow red. Oh man, I wish I had thought to take a picture and post it online. She looked so red from embarrassment, it was like her head was going to explode from the excess blood.

"How did you get my older underwear?" asked Tomoki, looking noticeably angry. "You weren't stealing from the garbage, were you?"

"It's not Tomoko-chan who's been stealing from you," said Saito-san, giving Komiyama-san a knowing smile.

Komiyama-san was nervously sweating at this point.

"Then who's been stealing my underwear?"

"I...I...GOTTA GO HOME NOW," shouted Komiyama-san. She ran off, heading off the beach.

"What's her problem?" asked Tomoki.

"Who knows?" I said.

"Well, so long as the date is over, then I'm going home."

"Okay, I'll see you home a little later."

Tomoki shoved the underwear into my hand. "If I catch you touching my underwear again, I'm going to kill you."

As I watched Tomoki leave, I had to fight back my urge to laugh. I glanced at Saito-san, and she too looked like she was fighting back a laugh. Once Tomoki was out of earshot, we both let it out.

"Did you see the look on Komiyama-san's face?"

Saito-san was laughing so hard, she was crying. "I know, she looked so embarrassed."

Outside of the smoothie restaurant, Saito-san told me about the pairs of men's underwear Komiyama-san had hidden in her closet. She didn't know who's underwear it belonged to until I suggested it must have been Tomoki's. She recognized the brand, so we went to the store to buy a bag of underwear (like hell I would touch my own brother's used underwear) and we had to fake it in front of Tomoki.

As our laughs slowed down, I told Saito-san, "I misjudged you. You're actually pretty cool for a lesbian."

"You're pretty weird yourself, but I do like you. Maybe you and I can hang out some time...not as a date, of course."

"You know, I might like that," said Tomoko.

We both pulled out our cell phones and exchanged numbers. As soon as that was done, Saito-san suddenly leaned forward and lightly kissed me on the cheek.

"I will call you soon, Tomoko-chan." Saito-san waved good-bye and merrily walked away.

I just stood there, dumbfounded. The area on my cheek where she kissed me just felt so tingly on my skin. For a few seconds there, I felt so elated...even happy...

"Wait...! I was kissed by a girl? Yuck!"

 **The End**


End file.
